There isn’t a lot of time, so allow me to get straight to the point here. You’re in danger. Yes, you. You’re reading this right now because you are in absolute, mortal peril and you have no idea.
Well, probably. By now, it seems like everyone has one of those smart phones or tablets or even laptops with fingerprint readers. Super convenient security, right? Sure, sure. That’s the selling point, of course, but it’s not the real purpose of the things. Oh yeah they’re going to tell you that it makes all your data safe as houses, and I’m sure it does. After all, they definitely know exactly who that fingerprint belongs to. It’s really hard to mismatch blood samples, you know?
Oh. Yeah. I forgot to mention. That’s how they work, in reality. Not some crazy bullshit about snapping tiny, high resolution photos of your thumb or blasting all the fine contours of your fingertips with lasers. No way, that’s just some sci-fi writer’s wet dream, bought and paid for by the big tech companies to cover the truth.
Every time you press your finger to that reader, you’re handing over a tiny sample of your blood to your corporate overlords.
They use it to verify your identity and let you into your phone or unlock your tablet, obviously. But if you believe that’s where it ends, then I’ve got a sweet deal on some oceanfront property in Colorado to sell you. It’s a small sample, totally negligible; you never feel it, and your body doesn’t even know it’s gone. Just a tiny little droplet, vacuumed out of your finger and into a reservoir hiding deep in your device’s guts.
Oh don’t act like you’re surprised. The signs have been all around us for years. They can fit a whole computer inside a watch, but when it’s a phone, it needs all that extra space? And when’s the last time you opened up your own device to do a little user maintenance? If you’re even lucky enough to be able to crack the hood on one of these things, all the parts are so discretely sealed and glued shut that you’ll never be able to see what’s in there.
And possibly the most sinister of it all: the upgrade. Every year a shiny new version of the same device rolls of the assembly line, and then we all queue up neatly outside the stores to trade in our old ones for the new. They collect, and we return, like the good little cogs that we are in their infernal machine.
None of this is by accident, my friend. They are simply the first stages of a plan. I don’t yet have all the answers. It could be a massive clone and replace operation. It could be used as feed for the aliens they’ve kept hidden from us. It could even just be your average, run of the mill youthful energy transfer for the rich. I haven’t uncovered that part just yet, but I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty:
It’s not for our benefit.